Switched over to www.workinonaramp.com!

I finally got everything switched over to a domain: http://www.workinonaramp.com.

I’ll be closing this account soon, so if you’d like to read future posts or sign up for the updated RSS, please head on over to the new site!

Book Smart Adventures, Episode 3

A recent dialogue between my company’s affiliate manager and one of our many tech-savvy online affiliates:

print-screen-directions“You will need to take a screen shot of what you’re talking about and send  it to me,” – Affiliate Manager

“Can you take a screen shot for me? I don’t have a camera.” – Affiliate

If I could think up things like this myself, I could join the script-writing team for The Office.

Oh well.

T-Shirt Ideas, Episode 3: Birthday Fun

Birthday tshirt

A great way to celebrate your day of birth and also a great way to pick out semi-intelligent folks at the bar.

“Are you getting married?” – Person at bar who doesn’t get t-shirt

“No.” – Me, walking away

T-Shirt Ideas, Episode 2: Pepsi is O.K.

pepsi-is-ok-tshirt

Please stop asking me if it’s ok.

Yes, the other brand of brown, frizzy, caffeinated deliciousness will do. Just bring a pitcher. Please.

(I’m using the old logo because the new one is a little too Orwell-esque for my taste).

T-Shirt Ideas, Episode 1: Beast of Burden

Beast of Burden T-Shirt

I’ve spent countless dollars (ok, 17) playing this song at dive bars to make myself feel better about 2 semi-uninterrupted years on the dating scene. No, it’s not because no man that fits my taste wants to date me, it’s because I don’t want to be a burden. It helps me sleep at night, so get off me.

Your Mom Just Added You on Facebook: Take a Deep Breath, I Can Help

You thought today was just another day. But you were wrong.

Because today, is the day that you will sign in to Facebook, expecting to see pokes, tags and wall call outs in response to your many weekend gaffes.

And you may well find those things. But as you scan your requests, you will find something that will change your Facebook lifestyle forever.

Your mom just friend requested you.

Don’t worry. If your response includes any of the following , you are completely normal.

1. Immediate spike in blood pressure

2. Semi-immediate phone calls/text messages to siblings and other family members with the simple question, “Who the &%!* showed my mother how to create a Facebook profile? And which Facebook guru took the time to show her how to find me?!?!”

3. Expletives, followed by promises to quit Facebook forever

But don’t worry, I am here to help. And my advice is completely free.

Because, like you, I once used Facebook solely as a medium to post drunken pictures from nightly keg parties in college. But now, thanks to the inevitable acceptance of change by most of our parents, my mom no longer thinks that being on Facebook is “not such a great idea.” She has a profile.. and hourly status updates.

Yes, this is the same woman who paid for AOL until 2008.

I feel your pain. And I have some quick, easy solutions for the fiber-optic-cable-powered, social network nightmare that is Facebook.com.

3 Ways to Share Facebook with Your Mother

  1. Block your mom from seeing your wall/photos. Beware, the truly Facebook-savy mother will likely ask, “How come you don’t have a wall?!?” And if you have other relatives/mutual friends on Facebook, blocked albums may still see their day in court.
  2. Edit (one-by-one) all posts/photos. I know, this may require one-by-one editing of 3-4 years of college posts to the tune of “Hey slut, you ready to get wasted tonight!?” And a solid night of de-tagging those keg stand pictures you once proudly promoted to Profile Pic!
  3. Remove your wall/photos altogether. This option may be your best bet if you are still in college. Facebook wall post paranoia is rough. Add in that smart phones now give your drunken friends the ability to ruin your mother’s perception of you at any hour of the day, and you may never sleep again.

So you have three choices: Block, Edit or Remove.

The choice is yours. But, regardless of which option you roll with, make sure you inform your friends of your parental social networking dilemma. You can’t legitimately get mad at someone for writing “Thanks for the anal!” as a joke if they don’t know that your birthgiver will read it in 20 seconds.

Dating Tips: Episode 1, Get Any Guy at the Sports Bar

So you want to nab a football fan. Someone who will share the victory, the defeat and hundreds of buffalo wings and beers.

bears hat

Well, here’s how you do it.

On any Sunday between the months of August and November, you don the NFL hat of your choice and stroll into a sports bar.

Once there, you will instantly attract attention from drooling males.

It is here that you must make a choice. What do you want from this man?

A Date?

Just sit quietly at the bar. It will happen.

A Ring?

This will require a little more work on the front end. You will need to utilize Internet sport references. The goal here is to be able to throw out a line like this:

[Setting: Quarterback throws an incomplete pass, turnover on downs. You turn to the man of your choice and say..]

“You know, [Quarterback name] just doesn’t compare to [Hall of Fame Quarterback’s name]. It just doesn’t get much better than that play in the 4th quarter against the Cowboys in ’91 when he faked the hail mary and ran it in for 6.”

Shoot me an email if you’d like to thank me in person.